in a blink of an eye, it's gone.

As I am working today, I keep looking at the pictures hanging on my shelf.  Two of them are when I took Nick's 3 month pictures at Strawbridge Lake and the other one he may be 4 or 5 months old, bouncing away in his rainforest bouncer.  I just keep asking myself, where did the time go?  What happened to my baby boy?  It is strange that every day that goes by can feel like it is going by slow.  But when you look back, it feels like it went by with a blink of an eye.  Not sure what makes this turn on but never once did I feel upset for the time going by so quick.  Yesterday, Nicholas started full time in the toddler room at his daycare.  He is on a normal eating schedule now with two snacks a day.  Makes it definately easier for us but then I get upset thinking about it.  It means he is getting older and more independent and so am I.  Some days I am happy when I think about this and others (today) I get very emotional and sad that I can't just stop time from moving for the moment and spend a lot of time with him. 

Everyday it is a struggle to squeeze out quality time with Nick and Eric.  Between the morning rush to be on time and have everything ready and then the dinner/clean up rush after work.  We do our best with play time while making dinner.  Eric and I alternate who cooks and cleans up and prepares for next day, so we can split time with Nick.  I feel like working adds to the pressure of this time constraint.  When I was on maternity leave, that was the longest 3 months.  A GREAT 3 months but I never felt rushed or pressured with time (well, besides when Nick wanted a bottle but I was not moving/heating it fast enough.)  At least I am learning how to manage it well.  Everyday is a new day.

On another note but also about time.  Shawn was put to sleep a year ago today.  My little bear.  I miss you SOO much!